I'm going to have another bad day. I went nuts tomorrow. Bad episodes await. I'm going to be watching television...something on FOX or NBC...something reality-based. Real people. Real emotions. I want to see someone get their heart ripped out. I want to see someone get emotionally destroyed. Think of what it'll do for the ratings! People crave this kind of entertainment now. It's almost the only thing that sells anymore. I don't want a happy ending. I want to see Joe Millionaire part four but with a really brutal ending, where the stupid cowboy construction worker cries after he's fucked ten different women, knowing his life is an utter joke, a spectacle. There's no more room for ethics. Only dollar signs and media buys. Anyway, I was watching television tomorrow and a commercial for the new "Cat in the Hat" movie came on. I suddenly became very nauseaus and angry and started cursing the television, even though no one was with me to hear it. "Oh, that's rich!" I'll say. "That's really fucking rich! Dr. Seuss must be rolling in his grave right now! The characters don't even fucking rhyme!! And who's that stupid little fat kid? And why the fuck does the cat in the hat sound like 'Linda Richman' from SNL's "Coffee talk?" Oh! Oh! Mike Myers! PLEASE make another Austin Powers movie! PLEASE!? The world needs another Austin Powers 4! Because the last one was so clever, and it wasn't contrived at all! I mean, honestly, that 'goldmember' character was, really, really funny! Because of his accent! Oh!" I will be on my knees now, hands together as if i'm begging the television for salvation. The commercial has been over for a full minute, but suddenly I start to think about Colin Quinn and how much I despise him. "Colin Quinn! Oh man, you are SO on-point! You know so much about the situation in Iraq, it's amazing! And you're really, really funny. Especially your delivery! Like when you were doing the Weekly News on Saturday Night Live! Well done! FUCK YOU!" Tears are streaming down my face. There's an ad for some kind of bullshit celebrity show, like 'entertainment tonight' or something, on. Some famous rapper is greeting his fans, signing autographs, shaking hands, flashing smiles, all while his cell phone is firmly planted between his shoulder and right ear. He loves his fans that much. "Oh! I'm sure your phonecall is so important that you can't finish it later...I mean whatever conversation you're having right now must be absolutely riveting! Fucking asshole! And take off your sunglasses! It's fucking nighttime!" I'm practically screaming at my television, and crying and smashing my fist into the carpet repeatedly. Suddenly I realize that the rapper has the new model of cell phone that I want, the Nokia 7650, and it calms me. I close my eyes and breath heavily. All I want right now is some Taco Bell, I think to myself. And tomorrow I went to Taco Bell, and got a grilled stuffed burrito and ate it hungrily, opening my mouth wider than necessary every time I took a bite, just like in the commercials. It's going to be ok, even though I went crazy tomorrow.