I've awoken.

I've been working at an agency in Manhattan for some time now. It feels like a long time. Feels different. Feels like my life has changed drastically, like my old life was just an old movie or series of television episodes that I vaguely remember. I commute from Connecticut to NYC on the train every day. It's completely draining. Wasn't so bad at first, but now I feel like I'm in a constant daze, from when I leave my house at 7am, to when I return, usually about 8pm. People-watching on the trains and subways almost makes up for it though. So many fascinating specimens to be studied, in and out of the city.

Most recently I've made the disturbing observation that many of those around me, and myself as well, seem to be becoming more and more robotic with every passing day. I know that the goal is a completely automated, convenient, functioning society, but I feel like I've just noticed this...like I'm looking in from the outside. What I mean is, we're turning ourselves into machines, especially with the way we're constantly plugged in: cellphones, sidekicks, PDAs, laptops, gameboys, ipods, PSPs, PMPs, etc. What's alarming to me is the way we are roboticizing ourselves...almost becoming like the 'borg' from Star Trek...when we have these wireless bluetooth headsets constantly attached to our heads, blinking with their little LEDs, wirelessly communicating with unseen handsets. And the 'voice dial' function forces us to speak almost digitally. I realized this when I tried to call a coworker while on the train.

"Call Anthony."
>> DID YOU SAY, CALL...ANDY?
"No. Call Anthony."
>> DID YOU SAY, CALL...Erin?
"No. Call Ann-thuh-nee."
>> DID YOU SAY, CALL...ANTHONY?
"YES!"
>>CONNECTING.

I've watched well-dressed men on their way to Wall Street speaking loudly and moronically into their headsets, making it look like they're shouting into the air, at no one in particular. "Call Jessica. Call JESS-UH-KAH." I smile and stare at them, then look around to see someone else, maybe another man, with a wireless headset on one ear and a regular cell phone shoved up against his other ear, using his free hand to stuff a Dunkin Donuts bagel into his mouth.

It made me sick to really look at myself and see what I was becoming. I mean. I guess I've always considered myself to be less than human in some ways, but now I feel it's happening to all of those around me as well. The way people speak into their cell phones, so that those little robots can understand them. They speak slowly, enunciating every syllable. We are in effect simplifying, digitizing, dehumanizing our speech so that our electronic tools can better understand us. But now I'm wondering if I just need a better bluetooth headset. Or maybe get a T-Mobile sidekick so that I can be on AOL Instant Messenger during my entire commute, just in case someone, a friend or something, MIGHT want to talk to me. I don't know. But I am making more money than I ever have in my life, so I might as well buy these things and find out.