Friday, October 15, 2004

I went out for drinks last night with some coworkers. Typically, I drank way too much. We were in this really intense debate about consumer electronics, and Blu-Ray technology versus HD-DVD, and I started feeling really panicky, and just starting ranting, barely taking time to breathe in between sentences...I don't know what came over me, but I just starting rambling uncontrollably...It went a little something like this:

"Ughhh...Listen to all this...this doesn't improve our lives at all, does it? Or does it? Where does it all go when we're done with it? How much is left? Do we need any more? I want...another megapixel, another gigahertz, more anytime minutes... I look at all of you and some of you are actually doing things and going places and fixing things and helping people...where am I? I am the worst kind of human being, the absolute most useless thing to our race. I have nothing to offer. A few jokes maybe...a couple of new ideas...no, mostly just rehashed and not as good as the originals. God, I really have nothing to offer society...nothing. My existence is a joke. Simply here to collect disposable income and spend it on things that destroy me. I woke up and looked around my bed this morning...a trashcan full of used kleenex and chocolate bar wrappers, a kitchen full of empty fast-food containers and soda cans, men's magazines all over the floor of my bathroom...went to my living room and it was just full of shit, complete shit. Horrible movies on DVD, men's/consumer magazines, a fishtank I was too lazy to set up, a half-assembled stereo system, video game consoles strewn about the floor... All relics of my godless, hedonistic lifestyle. I'm disgusting. I could disappear tomorrow and it wouldn't affect anything. Someone else could do what I do, and probably be better at it. And maybe actually invest their money and use it to benefit mankind, instead of just spending it on themselves. I'm so worthless.......uh.............PSYCHE!!!"

Then I high-fived one of my coworkers (I don't remember which one), the conversation picked up right where it left off before I started babbling, and we spent like 200 dollars on more beer and food.

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