It seems as if I've snapped back into reality. It's really good that I did, because people (at work and everywhere else) were starting to notice. I think what jolted me out of the depressive/detached daze I've been in was last night's episode at the local shopping mall. It was truly a sight to behold. It went like this:

I was in the market for a new pair of Nike running shoes, a new baseball hat, and a new Polo shirt. As I'm walking through the mall, and about to pass Kay Bee toys, I spot this wretched little thing approaching me. It's this fat little kid...just a complete example of everything that could be wrong with America's youth. He's walking next to his mother, who keeps trying to touch him or fix his hair or talk to him, and he keeps cursing her and slapping her hand away. And yet this doesn't anger her. He's pretty fat...probably about nine years old...wearing expensive shoes...ninety dollar Nikes (I was planning on getting a similar pair, but decided not to), and, ironically, a pricey-looking Adidas warmup jacket (doesn't look like he's the athletic type). He's got headphones on, and they're connected to an iPod clipped to his sagging Levi's. The headphones are blasting some kind of terrible nu-metal music, I imagine. And he's playing a gameboy (while walking; people are forced to walk around him because he isn't paying attention to where he's going) and chewing bubble gum and blowing bubbles. The way he was chewing gum, loudly and opening his mouth widely, was enough to make sick. I was still in my depressed daze, mind you, but this moved me somehow. I think it brought back memories of this birthday party I attended when I was eleven years old, where someone ate all of the candy out of my goody bag. Typically, I blamed the fat kid at the party, berating him and accusing him of eating all of my gummy worms and mini kit-kat bars. Anyway, I was moved (angered and amused at the same time) by the image of this fat little goblin slowly walking towards me, oblivious to his surroundings, surely on his way to the toy store so his mommy could buy him some more video games. I quickly ducked into the toy store, looked around for a suitable prop, and grabbed a viking helmet and toy battle axe from a display near the front of the store. Then I hid behind a tall stack of Legos and peeped around the corner, until I saw him approaching the store's entrance. I lept out from behind the stack, knocking them over, the battle axe raised above my head and the helmet near slipping off my head. "Your's will be a glorious death, you fat little slug!" I shouted at him. The look on his face was priceless, right before he lost his balance. He fell backward, his iPod and gameboy both slamming on the ground. I laughed maniacally, the viking helmet having slipped further forward and obscuring my vision. I could hear him crying and swearing, his mother screaming at me, and people whispering. At least I think I heard all that. My laughter drowned it all out. And it was at that point that I completely snapped back into reality. I placed the helmet and axe back into the display bin, and quickly left the store, with the sound of weeping fat and a mother's consolation (promising to buy him an extra video game) behind me. I think I even heard the kid tell his mom to "fuck off." Then I heard someone use the word "cops" and "security," so I picked up the pace and ducked into a Waldenbooks, where I spent the next hour looking at new age astrology books in the back of the store. There were no consequences, except that I now feel completely awake.