I emerged from my flu-encrusted hibernation this morning to discover that George W. Bush will remain our president for the next four years. Way to go America. I knew you wouldn't let me down.

I started talking to some of my friends on Instant Messenger to see what their feelings were. Many of them are outraged. They blamed people like me for not voting. I don't care about all that. I just want to maintain my selfish, wonderful lifestyle.